Funny Quotes

347. When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. – Funny Quotes

^{Rita Rudner}

348. Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. – Funny Quotes

^{Henry Kissinger}

349. Turn up the lights. I don’t want to go home in the dark.

^{O. Henry}

350. We owe a lot to Thomas Edison – if it wasn’t for him, we’d be watching television by candlelight.

^{Milton Berle}

351. You see much more of your children once they leave home.

^{Lucille Ball}

352. Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.

^{P. G. Wodehouse}

353. I’d never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.

^{Mercedes McCambridge}

354. If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon. – Funny Quotes

^{W. C. Fields}

355. I’m undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair. – Funny Quotes

^{Hillary Clinton}

356. All generalizations are false, including this one.

^{Mark Twain}

357. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

^{Abraham Lincoln}

358. I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

^{Rodney Dangerfield}

359. I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

^{George Burns}

360. I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.

^{Paula Poundstone}

361. Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish. – Funny Quotes

^{Chevy Chase}

362. I’m a misplaced American, but don’t know where I was misplaced.

^{Ruby Wax}

363. The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

^{Phyllis Diller}

364. When I go to a bar, I don’t go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.

^{David Brenner}

365. I’m kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.

^{James Brown}

366. Trust is hard to come by. That’s why my circle is small and tight. I’m kind of funny about making new friends.

^Eminem

367. To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.

^{Reba McEntire}

368. The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. – Funny Quotes

^{David Ogilvy}

369. Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I’m being funny, but I’m reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise,we’re going down the tube.

^{Joan Rivers}

370. It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.

^{W. Somerset Maugham}

371. Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.

^{Norm MacDonald}

372. It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.

^{Bill Hicks}

373. Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don’t have a sense of humor it just isn’t funny anymore.

^{Wavy Gravy}

374. That’s the funny thing about time. It is only in looking back that it’s easy to connect the dots. To see exactly why everything needed to happen the way that it did.

^{Rebecca Serle}

375. It’s hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. – Funny Quotes

^{Adlai Stevenson I}

376. There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.

^{Jean Baudrillard}

377. It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

^{Robert Frost}

378. Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

^{Josh Billings}

379. Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

^{Samuel Butler}

380. The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes.

^{William Feather}

381. Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.

^{George Lopez}

382. I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I’m watching the highlights. – Funny Quotes

^{Jay London}

383. From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

^{Dr. Seuss}

384. I used to work with autistic children, and they said a lot of funny things to me.

^{James Acaster}

385. I love shifting between being super cute and aggressive. It’s funny.

^Sigrid

386. Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

^{Peter Ustinov}

387. It’s a funny old world.

^{Margaret Thatcher}

388. Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of course, if you dig deeper, it’s really how it works.

^{Steve Jobs}

389. It’s funny how most people love the dead, once you’re dead, you’re made for life. – Funny Quotes

^{Jimi Hendrix}

390. Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.

^{William Arthur Ward}

391. Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie… a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

^{George Orwell}

392. We are supposed to enjoy the good stuff now, while we can, with the people we love. Life has a funny way of teaching us that lesson over and over again.

^{Sheena Easton}

393. I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses.

^{Stephen King}

394. The human brain is a funny thing: it’s very susceptible to tempo and melody. You put the right words to it, and it becomes very influential.

^{Ray Stevens}

395. You can’t really be strong until you see a funny side to things.

^{Ken Kesey}

396. I have Slavic fat pads that make me look like a chipmunk and arched predatory eyebrows. With that, you’re not going to get funny. That’s why I play so many bad guys.

^{Liev Schreiber}

397. Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I’m afraid it did. – Funny Quotes

^{Bette Davis}

398. I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

^{Elayne Boosler}

399. I read part of it all the way through.

^{Samuel Goldwyn}

400. Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it.

^{Norman Douglas}

Funny Quotes 401 – 500

401. As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

^{Tracey Ullman}